Lessons Learned: Just Love Me the Times that I Need You

With the plethura of young, eligible men by which BitchNichole has recently found herself surrounded, our heroine is feeling like the gods are trying to tell her something.

The diva missed twitterpation season due to a combination of a broken heart and global warming. And despite the fact that the humidity of this city doesn't exactly put her in the mood for human contact it seems like it might finally be time for the diva to go back to her old ways.

So after some very awkward flirting during the last two weeks, BitchNichole has put together a list of things she will no longer put up with in her search for her next exboyfriend.

Unfortunately she has also stumbled upon a new "Ryan" who doesn't sport the name, but is in every other aspect definitely one of them.

Of course, he probably isn't even interested in her, but he's got the Ryan look in his eyes, and she's already a bit smitten. Let the games begin.

Lessons Learned: I am WAY too Immature

During a commercial break for the William and Harry interviews, BitchNichole realized that she knows someone in a genital herpes commercial.

She also realized if she wants to go anywhere in her career field she needs to stop being so immature.

Lessons Learned: Darling You're Stronger than Me

It's wedding season, and BitchNichole has been prepping for her own bridesmaid season. This comes at a particulary difficult time for her because according to the men in her life it is also dumping season. Although the diva is personally not an advocate for lifetime commitments, it seems like everyone around her is looking for one, and this always causes problems for the diva during twiterpation season, especially when she has no special guy of her own.

Yesterday BitchNichole went into David's Bridal to try on their bridesmaid's dresses for an upcoming special day. Upon opening the doors to the establishment the diva's chest felt tight as she passed row after row of frill white tool. This was not the place for her type.

She made it into the dressing room, and the dress was a perfect fit. However, our heroine is a bit vertically challenged so she was in the need for a quick hemming so that the gown wouldn't get too dirty dragging on the floor for the reception.

After a quick pinning, she was giving the seemstress all of her specifics for the dress when, of course, the small talk started heading in the direction of her own day of doom:

Seemstress: So what about you, are you seeing anyone?

BitchNichole: Me? Oh no no no. I just got dumped last week. By a David ironically enough.

The David's Bridal employee blushed not knowing how to handle the diva's insensitivity to her own bad situation.

Seemstress: Well my daughter lives in New Jersey. Her husband has lots of handsome single friends. I'm sure she could introduce you to some if you were interested.

The diva hung her head as the gravity of her current existence weighed down her head. This is what her life had become: being set up with strangers by a wedding seemstress half a continent away.

Lessons Learned: Fall For Every Empty Word I Say

BitchNichole was flashing back on some speechie memories earlier today and was giggling at some things she has pulled in the past: It must be camp time!

At districts her junior year, the diva was up for district rep. As they called the names of the other nominees her competition would stand up and wave for everyone to put a name with a face.

Bored by the lengthy meeting, when they announced her name, our heroine stood up pulled back her suit jacket and flashed a tiny bit of cleavage to the UNL team. The diva then received a standing ovation from the male competitors and the reality tv guest appearance, the dreamy CoachMarple.

After the meeting ended, the diva was pulled aside by TheHorse who informed her that her behavior was "not kosher."

Regardless the diva went about the next two days with competitors angrily mentioning her behavior behind her back and ended up winning all of her events and thus 5 tickets to nationals. Unfortunately her lady lumps did not win her a seat as District Rep.

Four! Four! FOOOOOUUUUUUUR!!!!!

Lessons Learned: And Out Come the Wolves

A little message to the pathetic girl who doesn't "know" me but called me a whore:

Wow you totally weren't around for the last five years. I'm sorry you don't understand the relationship that I have with my best friend. But I think a great way to gain understanding is by calling me dirty names on your blog.

I'm sorry that you're feeling so insecure in your relationship that you think he's going to be stolen by someone that lives over 1,000 miles away.

I don't think you know him very well at all. Stop being pathetic and work on your relationship. If you want him to be happy with you learn a little about his past and stop being a clingy bitch.

Oh and P.S. I still wear the promise ring he bought me to say we'll be together one day. Less than a month ago he told me to keep wearing it. Hope that helps your insecurity issues.

AND SINCE WE'RE SLINGING MUD... He's already cheated on you and not with me... ask around with your co-workers to play a fun guessing game!

AND REALLY WHY STOP THERE, YOU DIDN'T... I know extremely intimate details about your relationship... if you still want to call me I'd be glad to share them... think of it as a truce.

Lessons Learned: I Used to be Sad , Now I'm Just Bored With You

I'm pretty sure this is what my next soul mate will be like.

Heads up: I miss my first one today and it breaks my heart to see you with your new girlfriend. That isn't meant to make you feel bad, I just miss getting all your attention.

Lessons Learned: My Love Will Turn You On

Now that summer has officially arrived (according to my sweat glands) we need to take a moment to remember the utter awesomeness of the Choco Taco.

That's right people let's remember the greatest desert treat ever created: an ice cream taco when livin' it up this summer.

Lessons Learned: Will You Comfort Me In My Time Of Need?

It's been a Ryan Adams kind of night.

Lessons Learned: One Too Many Mornings and a Thousand Miles Behind

A former friend/love interest (yup I'm letting the secret out) of BitchNichole recently showed up at her childhood home to catch up with the diva and brag about his new career/car.

Oops my friend your a year behind on that date invitation and a lousy e-stalker.

They always come back.

In Other News:
A list of people I have sang karaoke with:

1. Andrew W.K.
2. Mr Belding
3. Lisa Loeb's brother