Lessons Learned: The Point of No Return

I've been wanting to tell this story for awhile but didn't know how to bring it up.

Since I haven't posted in awhile it seems like an appropriate time.

BitchNichole has a NamelessFriend who recently moved to a new apartment and it seems to be a bit of a lemon. One day all of the power went off in the apartment and Nameless friend decided to go to his landlady to complain.

While bringing her up-to-date on the electricity issue the following conversation took place:

LandLady: Uh huh. Do me a favor... when you use the bathroom... don't flush the toilet paper.

NamelessFriend: I'm sorry.

LL: Don't flush toilet paper. Throw it in wastebasket.

NF: Don't flush the toilet paper?

LL: Yes throw in wastebasket.

NF: Okaaay...

This is what we've come to now... It makes BitchNichole's place of residence seem like Shangra La.

Lessons Learned: Amy Why Did You Change Your Number?

Today BitchNichole had an unknown number pop up on her new awesome phone. Normally she wouldn't answer such a phone call, but as many of you know our heroine has been on the job hunt lately and wanted to make sure that it wasn't her dream job calling offering a 7 digit salary. (Also make-out season is approaching and it could have been a potential kissing buddy).

Whatever the reason she picked up the phone and the following conversation took place:

BitchNichole: Hello this is BitchNichole.

AngryOldWoman: AMY?!?!

BN: Um... no. I'm sorry I think you have the wrong number.

AOW: This isn't Amy?

BN: No it isn't.

AOW: Is Amy there?

BN: No I think you have the wrong number.

AOW: Did I dial [reads off last four digits of BitchNichole's number]?

BN: Yes

AOW: And [reads off first three digits of the diva's number]

BN: Yes

AOW: So I dialed ###-####?

BN: Yes

AOW: And this isn't Amy?

BN: No

AOW: Well FINE!!!

There was a quiet click and the unknown number flashed on the screen of the diva's phone. But as the screen went back to it's normal background she couldn't help, but wonder why Amy had given the angry woman the wrong number, was this fate again, or was Amy really there and the diva was hiding her from AngryOldWoman? Will any of these questions ever be answered?

Lessons Learned: It's a Slow Day

As many of you are aware BitchNichole is always changing hair colors.

She recently ran into an old bud who after telling her how nice she looks commented "Did you change your hair. I think it was strawberry blonde the last time we spoke."

It was then that the Welsh Goddess realized she now measures time in units of hair color (strawberry blonde meaning 18 months ago).

Regardless, the biggest difference that the diva sees herself was the mega change from platinum blonde, circa her drivers license, to the dark brown days of early January.

Despite this enormous change in appearance, however the only question that the diva was asked when having her id checked outside of 21-and-over establishments was "Are you really wearing pearls in that picture."

Which goes to show, kiddies: anyone can be of age with the right accessories. Happy Faking!

Lessons Learned: In the Words of Grandma Go Itch Your Mad Spot

BitchNichole doesn't want to sound like the crazy cat lady from her local Laundromat or anything, but is it so hard to be nice?

Apparently so.

Guess you should have thought about that before spreading rumors, but whatever.

Lessons Learned: Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year

BitchNichole would like to send a special shout-out to her very favorite singer, Loretta Lynn, who is 72 today!

Rock on Loretta!

Lessons Learned: Fate is Cheap

It might have been the unseasonably cold weather this morning, but BitchNichole apparently got out of bed on the wrong foot this morning. Absolutely nothing was going her way, and after a number of mishaps and misfortunes, it became clear that she was going to be forced into taking a cab to work.

This of course doesn't seem like such a bad situation, until you take into account the other 500,000 people that were also in need of old yellow to get them to their morning destinations.

The diva stood on her corner with her arm outstreched into traffic for 20 minutes watching individuals in all around her grab the pollution emmiting gold before she finally saw an open door. Unfortunately the door was two blocks away so if she was going to get the prize she was going to have to sprint which is a task in and of itself for our favorite Welsh Goddess.

Regardless, that cab was her's and she was going to get it come hell or highwater. Or so she thought. At the last minute the diva saw a hand grab for the door. But the diva wasn't giving upi that easily. It was time to turn on the ole BitchNichoe charm.

The Welsh Goddess batted her eyes as she asked the man in the taxi where he was going and smiled sweetly as she inquired about sharing the vehicle. Eventually the other taxi bandit could resist and agreed to let the diva share a ride.

Once inside BitchNichole introduced herself to the friendly stranger, OldManCheese, and made small talk about their separate stops for the morning. OldManCheese explained that he was an investment banker and on his way to close the big on that was going to pay for his entire year. He then went on to feign interest in the diva's profession of the week and relate it to his own life.

When they eventually arrived at OldManCheese's stop he handed the diva half the fare and his card claiming that maybe this cab ride was fate, before kissing the diva's hand and went about his way to score the big deal. As the diva pulled away in the cab she thought to herself "I really doubt fate would go halvesies on cab fare."

Lessons Learned: Baby I've Changed

This morning while getting ready for another beautiful, snowy April day a certain Fountains of Wayne song came on that reminded the diva of her recent luck with men.

Everytime the diva gets caught up with a special fella that gets her attention for more than a few hours of locking lips she finds herself in the same mentality. She thinks quietly to herself about how much she has changed since her last relationship and is sure to never make the same mistakes again.

However, it seems that when it comes to relationships, history has a way of repeating itself for BitchNichole.

So after much thinking, heartbreak, and consideration the diva has decided that the only way to break away from this repetition is to change the game. So the Welsh Goddess is going to start living her life much like the immortal words of Aidan from Sex and the City: " Don't people just date anymore?"

Everyone kept saying that the diva would get over her post-breakup woes after moving to NY because there would be a plethura of choices. Although she has yet to discover this plethura, it's time that our heroine stop the search for anything long-term and spend more time looking for inspiration.

The game is on, hopefully adventures will ensue.