Lessons Learned: Matchmaking Horror Stories

Well... BitchNichole has been a single diva for quite some time now (her record is ten months), and to her pals this means one thing: time to start playing matchmaker. Unfortunately for BitchNichole this means spending time chilling with some pretty skanky men.
Because of her recent exposure to nasties the diva has decided to form a list for her pals to help them in their search for her "perfect" mate.

1. If the diva has spent the entire night avoiding his kisses it is highly unlikely that phrases such as "he really likes pussy" are going to encourage her to swap saliva with the gentlman in question. Why don't you just say "his name is Ted Bundy and he wants to bite off your nipple."

2. Please oh please do not hand her phone number out to any gentleman. And if you notice that she is giving him a wrong number just go with it don't try to correct her.

3. If you hear that their conversation is including such phrases as "Sprint is the bomb" the diva is bored out of her mind PLEASE SAVE HER!!!

4. No more "butt men" please. She has had her ass grabbed so many times in the last week (and might I add it's the same guy doing it every time) that she has lost all feeling in that region. And she doesn't even have a butt so more than anything she questions why these guys would even want to touch it.

5. Finally use some common sense. The diva has two distinct types. It's not confusing. If he doesn't look like a bad boy rocker or resemble Ralph Macchio in some way she's probably not going to be interested (there are some exceptions to this i.e. TheHorse, but the diva doesn't suggest experimenting with this please stay inside the lines).