Lessons Learned: Yuck!

BitchNichole is having an I-Still-Love-You moment with someone from long long ago in her head.

You know one of those moments where you put yourself back in a really happy awesome time with them and it makes you smile and then really sad that you don't get to replay it for real.

She's thinking she's really really lonely and in desperate need of a summer love that doesn't suck or totally creep her out.

Any takers?

Perhaps when you get older you raise your expectations too high.

PrettyPosse arrives tomorrow. Score!

In other news:

There's this new handwritten sign for the bathroom at Henry's that seems to way overly confuse the majority of the patrons. BitchNichole is getting way too much enjoyment out of this. So much so that she's having trouble writing.

The Dell is back! Score!

Lessons Learned: Today's the Day I Got Over You (My New Crush)

As many of you know after BitchNichole finished reading I Love You More Than You Know she pretty much fell head over heels in like with Jonathan Ames. These feelings intertwined with a great respect for his writing style inspired the Welsh goddess to write the new favorite author an email explaining her great respect for his work. The diva sent the message and spent the next week or so in a giddy school girl crush state awaiting his response.

And she waited.

And waited.

After a few weeks she realized that no, Jonathan Ames would not be replying to her email. This left the diva feeling slightly heart broken, but the crush remained.

That was until last week when our heroine recieved a message on myspace from an author crush from last summer. John McNally, author of The Book of Ralph, messaged BitchNichole explaining how greatful he was to her for listing his last book as one of her favorites and asking if she would like a free copy of his new book, America's Report Card, before it was released to the public.

The diva was of course a little more than excited for this gift to say the very least. The book not only arrived earlier this week but it was signed to the diva with her name spelled correctly.

Needless to say the diva's short lived, school girl crush on Jonathan Ames is completely gone, and she is back in like with John McNally.

In other news:
BitchNichole's computer is currently located at the hospital of Dell. In the meantime she is using her palm pilot with it's new keyboard for all computer needs. As you might assume this means postings may be few and far between while she waits for her computer's return.

Lessons Learned: Nice Day For A White Wedding (The Poll)

Who would Satan be more pissed off at for showing up to her wedding.

A) BitchNichole

B) PrincessMike

C) TheHorse

D) Adam Knowlton

E) All of the Above Holding Hands and Taking Shots (but how can they do both at the same time?)

Lessons Learned: What Would You Do If I Could Have You? (A Self Analysis)

BitchNichole once told a former crush that she wanted to have as many heart breaks as possible because it made her more creative. The would-be boyfriend then replied with a promise to one day break her heart. The diva strung the guy along for another few months before he finally got the point that she wasn't interested.

After listening to too much Lynn Miles and rereading old journals the diva has come to the conclusion that she often clings onto the unattainable while casting aside the suitors that seem to eager.

So the real question is: Is she really still heart broken over you or just looking for a muse. Either way you still make her hands shake in a way that makes the baristas question if she's had enough coffee yet.

In other news:

The diva spent the latter part of Sunday night having a conversation with a young gentleman about his existance. He kept trying to explain to her that he wasn't really there. She later emailed him and he never replied making her question if he was right and she really was just talking to herself for that whole hour.

The diva recently rented a Ralph Macchio film from NetFlix, but no one wants to watch it with her. What does everyone have against her future husband all of a sudden?

The PrettyPosse arrives in six days... yes!

Mom40 makes 25-cent bet with BitchNichole on whether John McNally is really going to send her a free copy of his new book before it is released to the public.

Lessons Learned: The Private American Educational System (Mom40 Questions Her Investments)

Mom40: ...And then the trailor hit this little boy who's father was walking him to school. And the boy was blind and schitzophrenic.

BitchNichole: Omigod! It left him schitzophrenic?

Uncomfortable Silence

BitchNichole: Oh wait. That wouldn't make any sense would it?

Lessons Learned: Hippie Hate

Why is it that when the weather improves the entire town of Lawrence decides that they don't like shoes. Seriously. That's just gross.

Lessons Learned: I Think I Know You

As many of you know the diva has recently started working on her first novel. Although she is quite experienced in writing one acts, short stories, and poems this new deal has been quite an adventure. Although the basic premise was loosely based on a situation the PrettyPosse was experiencing, none of the actual characters were sounding anything like the divas cast of characters.

That was of course until the diva read over a particular section and found that one character shared many similarities with a certain gentleman we all know and love.

Hint: The character is a large fellow that loves food, drives a limo, and who's family abandoned him to move to Arizona.

In all honest Kudla could make up an entire book in and of himself.

When questioned on whether the diva planned on acknowledging the long time bud if the book became a success she had the following response: Eh... I'll probably buy him a pack of cigarettes and take him on tour.

In other news: Mom40 and BitchNichole will be taking a canoe trip on Saturday. Pictures to follow. Maybe she'll fall in the river and be forced to cancel her date with Pilot once again.

Lessons Learned: Eye Candy

Tonight BitchNichole is being served by like the dreamiest barista ever while she works away on her novel. He looks like a sexier version of Jason Schwartzman. Yummy! The diva is assuming that she will be drinking a lot of coffee tonight.

Damnit a lot of good this is doing her while she works on the heartbreak section of her book.

Crap he just caught her staring. Back to work.

Lessons Learned: Sitting By The Phone

BitchNichole is eagerly awaiting a phone call from MyRyan. He promised that he would phone immediately after Wakarussa Fest to introduce the diva to a few of his friends so she wouldn't be lonely during the summer.

The welsh goddess is starting to get nervous that she may be without summer love for the first summer ever!

She would like to send out the following message to MyRyan before he goes to camp:

Dude I totally told you that I'm not mooching off your time this summer. Seriously dude don't stand me up, for the love of all that is holy. How many times have a saved your butt? I know you've got at least one intelligent friend out there. Seriously buddy. I'll even pay you.

Really how many girls have I set you up with? It wasn't really my fault they didn't like you back. I at least got the ball rolling before my jealousy kicked in.

Lessons Learned:Pictures From The Past

BitchNichole has spent the last two weeks reorganizing her life. During this reorganization period she has stumbled on a few funny pictures from previous life happenings. The following are a few fun times remembered through film. More to come later. Time and an angry barista are keeping her from getting them all out now.

BitchNichole loves this picture because it looks like she and TheHorse either just got married or are real estate agents it makes her giggle with irony.

Everyone always compared BitchNichole to Paige so when she finally met her she was so excited to get a picture taken. However, she never talked to her from fear that she would hate her and then be pissed off by what people were comparing her to.

The diva used to put on little boy underwear, a wifebeater, and a sailor hat and run around campus until one day the cops came and she had to hide behind some bushes. Man those were the good old days.

Wow back when TheUser was fun... they actually got in a huge fight like right after this picture and didn't talk for the rest of the year. He is pretty dreamy though, right?

And then the diva went off the college and what was the first thing she did? That's right she pierced her nose. SquirrelAss is such a bad influence.

Another old Kudla pick. This one makes the diva giggle. How cute were they? Seriously!

Hey who's that handsome gentleman off the the far right? That's right for all of you forensics groupies that is a young Scottie Pyle before cutting his hair, losing weight and becoming and alcoholic... oh the good old days.
And yes the young diva totally dug him back then.

Her sophomore year of high school BitchNichole, HerioneJenBob, and ERick started filming on a little project called the Brynn Witch Project. This is one of several pictures that was to be used in the filming. Look how the diva cleverly poses for a picture as the unsuspecting witch of the film is unable to notice her picture being taken.
Also note the lack of front teeth. This was before BitchNichole was given her "Miss America Smile."

This was one of the diva's favorite memories of high school. Here she is pictured in Wales with three dreamy dreamy Welsh skater boys. Yeah that's still one of BitchNichole's fantasies.

This is one of BitchNichole's first pictures with her dear Bobby. Note how her ability to be look so bad ass as she stands in the center of her living room. Wow that girl looks tough.

Oh the awkward stages! When the diva was handed this picture after it was missing for several years the comment was made on her likeness to a one Mr. Harry Potter. Maybe she was just ahead of her time.

The young diva performs for ThePrettyPosse. BitchNichole sincerely wishes she could still get away with wearing clothes like this.

Lessons Learned: Karma is One Angry, Angry Bitch

Well BitchNichole definitely got her comeupance today.

The diva has recently started patronizing Mom40 and Dad as they ever so slowly make their ways towards senility. The diva has been known to mock her wonderful parents for all kinds of slips and spills. One of her favorite stories occurred a few years back when the family decided to make a trip to a local bowling alley and Mom40 forgot to release the ball and went down the alley knocking over a few pins along the way. The diva loves to retell this story ad nauseum to friends and family members as Mom40 blushes and tries to unsuccessfully block out the embarrassing occurance.

However today was BitchNichole's turn. After waking at 6:00 for another morning workout at the gym the diva felt strong and ready to take on another day. It being her first day of work the diva picked out a nice, professional skirt which would successfully show off her strong legs that she had just finished toning earlier that morning. She slipped on a pair of three inch heels and was on her way to SeanEssDog when she stepped on a rigid rock and lost her balance. As the welsh goddess fell down three stairs, skinned her leg, and showed off her superstar cotton briefs only one thought was going through her mind: Oh no! Her beautiful legs!!!

She quickly got up and looked around to see if any of the neighbors had seen the show, but the only onlooker that she could find was the statue of the Virgin Mary in Mrs. Angel's yard that seemed to be laughing at her with a mocking sneer.

She quickly ran back inside her house and cleaned up the bloody mess before calling Mom40 to ask for bandaids. This led to more questioning. And the pain-filled diva relayed her heroic ordeal to the revenge-seeking Mom40 who laughed with glee at the fine job that karma had finally done to the poor welsh goddess.

Lessons Learned: Just Like That One Song I Used to Listen to When I Was Mad at You

BitchNichole recently ran into someone with a not-so-cute girlfriend. To the gentleman in question the diva says "Ha ha ha who's not a girl now?"

In other news:

I could way too easily transfer my love for him onto you. Caveat: That is not a good thing for either one of us.

Lessons Learned: The Story of Broken Hearts

Did you ever notice that someone can completely rip your heart out of your chest, stomp on it, put a cigarette on it, and wipe a few boogers on it just for good measure and then not even notice?

And then on top of that you could have done the exact same thing to someone else, but completely not noticed because you were so caught up in watching that other jerk wipe his infected mucus all over you vital organs.

Yeah that's pretty crazy.

In other news:
BitchNichole is currently reading The Walk of Shame: A Survivor's Guide. Now that she is a college grad its about time she learns the do's and don'ts of young America's favorite past time.

Lessons Learned: The Cycle of My Life

Today while searching through the items of her past BitchNichole found her old The End video and realized yeah she still does wanna make out with Andrew Reynolds. She was so right at the tender age of 16. That guy is mega hott. Yeah that's right it takes two t's.

Lessons Learned: No Time Left For You

Many of you may have noticed that it has been quite awhile since BitchNichole's last post. The diva appologizes she has been stuck in moving and life organizing mode and has been unable to get to a computer for the last few days.

Don't worry though our heroine will be back shortly after things calm down a bit and she is able to get a routine started.

Interesting findings during the life reorganization include:

Poems written during the diva's courting era of TheHorse. She wonders where all the anger came from.

Love letters from exboyfriends. Those are like finding gold.

Thank you's from SheRa. Apparently BitchNichole has thrice gotten her sista a manicure kit.

Someone's 20th birthday card had a lot more thought put into it than the graduation card and that is why it is time to take out the trash.

Apparently the diva is a bit of a pack rat.